Being heard is as close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable. + W. Augsburger, Caring Enough to Hear and Be Heard
As shared in a previous post, to close 2022 Emmaus City Church will finish the year focusing on living into the Way of Jesus through B.L.E.S.S. practices. The first practice was Begin with Prayer. The second is Listen. In B.L.E.S.S., the authors offer that there are 4 Hs of listening:
1) History: "Tell me your story." "Where did you grow up?"
2) Heart: "What's your favorite (team, restaurant, vacation)?"
3) Habits: "What are you into?" "What do you do with your free time?"
4) Hurts: "How are you doing with (name the situation)?"
Listening is not a talent some are born with and some are not.
It is a skill that we develop and get better at over time.
There are also at least 4 types of noise that make it hard for us to listen:
1) Physical noise: Happening in the setting
2) Psychological noise: Happening in our minds
3) Physiological noise: Happening in our bodies
4) Semantic noise: Happening when we get confused by people's words
To become a good listener requires us to interpret and sometimes block out distractions caused by all of the above. And when there are semantic misunderstandings, we gently ask the person to clarify them for us. To become a great listener requires humble intentions and practice.
Listening to Learn, to Understand, to Bless, and to Love
Often we can see (and hear) that we live in a world where not a lot of people listen to each other, especially if we consider this the definition of not listening: "The opposite of listening is not speaking. It's waiting to speak."
And often most people don't want our expertise; they want our support. They want to be heard, known, and to know we care. When the people in our lives feel unheard and unknown, it ultimately leaves them feeling unloved.
If we want to love our neighbors and bless the people God has put in our paths, we have to become intentional about listening and listening to understand. Jesus was the ultimate listener. He was motivated by love for every person He encountered. He took the time, again and again, to show love in the most practical and simple way: He listened.
For an example, read the story when outside Jericho among a large crowd, Jesus heard and listened to the beggar, Bartimaeus, before and after He asked him, "What do you want Me to do for you?" in Mark 10:46-52 and Luke 18:35-43). In all that commotion, Jesus heard, acknowledged, listened to, and honored that singular voice. Bartimaeus was listened to, known, and loved.
When we look at Jesus's life and how He modeled B.L.E.S.S. practices, some of the most profound moments are when He paused, looked someone in the eye, and simply listened.
Living a life of blessing others like Jesus did is not a journey of the spectacular. It's usually best lived out in the regular. In the everyday. In these seemingly mundane moments of life, we can get within arm's reach of another person and actually listen to what's going on in their hearts and thoughts. That's when we may have our greatest opportunity to love and bless someone.
Listening to Hear People Tell You Where They Need Healing
In 1816, René Laennec, a French doctor who wanted to honor the women he served by not putting his ear directly on their chests to listen to their hearts, invented a tool that doctors continue using today: the stethoscope. He was famous for telling doctors and nurses, "If you use this tool, don't stop listening to your patients — they will still tell you how to heal them." Laennec didn't want doctors to just listen to hearts and lungs with his invention. He wanted to make sure they still listened to the words and feelings of their patients.
A writer friend once told me, "Everyone has a story, but few people will listen to that story." One of the most practical and powerful ways we can be blessings is to simply listen. Listen to people. Listen to our community. Listen to our coworkers. Listen to our classmates. Listen to our neighbors. Listen to the hurts, the needs, and the pain of the people in our lives. Listen to their stories and discover what they really need. "Seek first to understand before seeking to be understood" (Stephen Covey).
The places where we live, work, and play are constantly speaking. If you listen, you will hear them. Listening for the "4 Ps of a Place" (Just Step In: Joining God as He Heals Your City by Rich Gorman) can help you know to best bless the communities around you:
1) Pain: What are the challenges and difficulties that exist in your community? Is it loneliness, anxiety, addiction? Strained and broken relationships?
2) Pennies: What kinds of jobs make up your community? Where is there opportunity for prosperity? How has the local economy affected the lives of people living there, for good and for bad?
3) Power: Who holds the power (i.e. Mayor's office? Local school councils? Business owners?)?
4) Parties: What do the people here honor and celebrate? What do they long for? Friendship? Children's education? Wealth? Family? Sports?
"The first act of love is always the giving of attention." + Dallas Willard
Listening to Counter Assumptions and Meet Deepest Needs
Michael Frost (ex. author of To Alter Your World) illustrates the power of listening in a story he tells about a group who went to India to serve the poor in a remote village:
The group showed up with all sorts of supplies, programs, and skilled workers ready to transform that village into a place of health and vitality. They first went to people living in a slum and said, "We could build a medical clinic to help take care of the hurting and sick in your village. We could build a school to provide education so the next generation can work their way out of poverty. We could build a church so you could gather on the weekends and learn about God."
Then they asked, "What do you want us to do for you?" like the question that Jesus asked Bartimaeus in in Mark 10:46-52 and Luke 18:35-43. The people responded with:
"What we really need most is a mailbox," they said.
"A mailbox? We can build you a medical clinic, a school, or a church building, and all you want is your own mailbox?"
The villagers went on to explain that in India, not have a mailbox means you don't have a ZIP code. And if you don't have a ZIP code, that means you do not exist on a map. Even if you're part of a community of 20,000 people, if you don't have a ZIP code, you're not recognized — and that means you're ineligible for social services from the government. These villagers wanted an identity, to become a recognized part of their own country.
Had the group not asked the question and listened, they never would have known this was the people's greatest need. It may sound simple, but getting this village a mailbox was no small task. It took the missionaries two years to work through the bureaucracy to get them registered with a ZIP code — but once they did, the village began to transform.
In his book Jesus Is the Question, Martin P. Copenhaver says that Jesus asked 307 questions and answered only three of them (He was also asked 183 questions and seemingly only directly answered three of those). The rest of the time He just listened.
Don't underestimate the power of beginning with prayer and listening.
+ excerpts above from Chapter 4: L: Listen in B.L.E.S.S.: 5 Everyday Ways to Love Your Neighbor
Here are links to other recent City Notes (CN) books:
A Time To Heal (Shalom); Red Skies; Story of God in a Sanitation Truck; The Artistry of What's Next; Seeds of Hope in the Rain & the Dark; The Church is the Most Corrupt Institution on Earth; The Seamless Life; A Good Calling; Inisheer Island; Wrestling with God in Doubt; Taste Grace in World of Seculosity; I've Seen What Hope Can Do; Baptism as the Way of Life; The Cross and Peacemaking Presence; Being with God; Pray As You Can; Knowing and Naming True Friends; Gifted Saintly Identity
With presence, peace, and many prayerful blessings,
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