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| "Jacob Wrestling with God" artwork by Ruelson Bruce Lee |
Doubt, when it's wrestled into the presence of God, can become astonishingly beautiful and redemptive. + Dominic Done, When Faith Fails: Finding God in the Shadow of Doubt
For this City Notes (CN) focused on when the night is long, sight is blind, and fear is a closer friend than faith, we are going to look at another adapted excerpt from Dominic Done's timely book, When Faith Fails, that's part metaphor, part story, part biblical theology, and something more. Also, look for the bonus conclusion from Matt and Julie Canlis' Godspeed.
Becoming a Luchador: Wrestling with the God Who Takes Us to the Mat
One day we may have an encounter with God that's vivid and undeniable, and the next we question it all.
For example, Jacob had a curious dream about ladders and angels (see Genesis 28:10-22). It was an unforgettable and mystical moment. Following this, however, Jacob immediately stepped into a tragic period of loss, loneliness, broken relationships, disappointment, and intense confusion about his calling ... By the time we reach Genesis 32, Jacob is consumed with doubt.
This is the infamous story of the man who wrestled with God (ex. luchador in Spanish). It's fascinating to me that, of all the experiences Jacob could have had with God ... God took him to the mat.
Why is Jacob full of doubt and wrestling with God? Fear of his brother had driven far from home, but his fraudulent past was quickly catching up with him. Jacob was intensely insecure, pretentious, and deceptive. But God perceived something more in him. Where Jacob only saw his failures, God saw potential—a future leader and a man of vibrant faith. It just needed to be unmasked. God had to strip away Jacob's facade and expose, humble, and change him once and for all.
God has hidden every precious thing in such a way that it is a reward to the diligent, a prize to the earnest ... all nature is arrayed against the lounger and the idler. The nut is hidden in its thorny case; the pearl is buried beneath the ocean waves; the gold is imprisoned in the rocky bosom of the mountains; the gem is found only after you crush the rock that encloses it; the very soil gives its harvests as a reward of industry to the laboring ... and so truth and God must be earnestly sought.
+ A.B. Simpson
They wrestled under the stars, and Jacob's strength was vanquished. His hip, thrown out of socket, burned; his body throbbed in pain. But even then, Jacob refused to abandon his grasp of God. Instead, he tightened his grip. "I will not let you go unless you bless me!" Faith isn't a choreographed script; it's a wrestling mat. It means taking all of your fears, sins, insecurities, and doubts and going head-to-head with God. And yes, you'll probably get bruised, broken, and lose your swag. But it's better to be an authentic mess before God than a fake religious person.
A faith that can't be tested can't be trusted. In Galatians 6:16, Paul says that we are "the Israel of God." In other words, because our spiritual heritage is full of people who wrestled with God, then we are called to be wrestlers, too. The only way that the Jacob in us can become Israel, the only way our faith can grow, is if we bring all of who we are to God. Everything. And that includes our doubts.
The British theologian Kallistos Ware said, "Faith implies not complacency but taking risks, not shutting ourselves off from the unknown but advancing boldly to meet it." Faith matures as it moves past the safe and predictable and into the dark, doubt-filled places. Faith refuses to reduce your dreams to the size of your fears. Faith doesn't hide from questions but passionately struggles with them.
Faith isn't about "inviting Jesus into your life," it's about stepping into His. Faith is when the real you surrenders to the real God.
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| Wrestling with God Stained Glass |
Embracing the Luchador: Facing the God Who Asks You to Own Your Name
"What is your name?" (Genesis 32:27)
Why did God ask Jacob this? He knew what Jacob's name was. Something else is going on here. Like so much in the Bible, there are layers of meaning that push us past the surface. Here's what we uncover: God asked not for His sake but for Jacob's.
God wanted Jacob to own his name. He wanted him to stop pretending and open himself up to truth and grace. For years, Jacob had been living a life of deceit, running from God and others. He wasn't ready to come to terms with his Jacob-ness. So God called him out. God wanted Jacob to be honest about who he was, so he could make him into who he needed to be. The same thing is true for you and me. God wants to change us, refine us, and call us Israel, but that can only happen if we're willing to go to the mat and hold nothing back.
That means having the guts to tell Him our name.
It means being brutally honest about our doubts.
It means peeling off the mask to let Him see who we really are.
It's impossible to wrestle with someone and not get uncomfortably close. Within seconds, you'll feel their hot breath on your face, their muscles tensing around you, their veins pounding against your skin. Wrestling with God feels the same way. He wants you to experience His presence ... He wants you to sweat, struggle, and strain. But, most of all, He wants you to be real.
Of course, this is just another way of describing prayer.
True prayer is feisty, untamed, won't-take-no-for-an-answer wrestling with God. True prayer weeps, shouts, groans, and actively waits for God to show up. Prayer is speaking truth about and over our doubts. Prayer is the space of expectation between your doubts and God's healing. According to the philosopher Peter Kreeft:
"Prayer is a way of opening up your soul so that more of God can enter." ... So when you encounter doubt, breathe it out. Give it to God. Then ask Him to fill you with Himself. First Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." All your anxiety. That kind of prayer is deeper than authenticity; it's vulnerability. Authenticity says, "This is who I am. Accept me." Vulnerability says, "This is who I am. Change me." Vulnerability values transformation over affirmation. Vulnerable prayer breaks the defensive shell to lay open what lies beneath. Vulnerable prayer means giving God the space to patiently lead us to the place where healing can begin.
Being a Child of God: Saying, "Here I Am" to the God Who Loves You
"The angel of God said to me in the dream, "Jacob."
I answered, "Here I Am."
+ Genesis 31:11
Two wrestling matches bookend Jacob's "Here I am" ... Both matches begin in darkness, take place in or near water, and end in being named.
The 1st wrestling match is in his mother's womb. "Jacob" means "heel-grabber" or "trickster" because Jacob was born grasping his brother's heel. Jacob spends the first half of his life grasping whatever he can by whatever means.
The 2nd wrestling match is at night, beside a river. Here Jacob wrestles with an angelic figure whom he puts into a vice-grip, demanding a blessing. But more than merely blessing him, the strange figure renames Jacob "Israel" (which means "wrestles with God") "because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome (Genesis 32:28).
When God redeems us, he doesn't start over from scratch. Jacob is called to be who he is—the wrestler (i.e. luchador) God first created and is now redeeming him to be. That's why Jacob's new name, Israel, is different from but congruent with his original name. It's also why God's participation in your future story will one day redeem your whole history.
Here I am ... wrestling with God.
We are God's long labor of love—a labor God started by knitting us together in our mother's wombs, a labor God will bring to fruition as we are born again in Christ. The particular person God first created you to be is the same one He wants to redeem!
Saying "Here I am" to God means letting God make us more fully who He first intended us to be. What are you wrestling with God about? As you wrestle, take comfort in knowing that this may be part of His plan to rename you. Being renamed doesn't mean losing who we are; it means losing who we are not. It means becoming who God first conceived, who Christ redeemed, and who the Spirit is now recreating us to become.
+ adapted excerpts from Chapter 9: The Luchador in When Faith Fails by Dominic Done and Wrestling with God: Jacob in 40 Days at Godspeed by Matt Canlis
+ Bonus listening: Becoming Who We Are Album by Kings Kaleidoscope
Here are links to other recent City Notes (CN) books:
A Time To Heal (Shalom); Red Skies; Story of God in a Sanitation Truck; The Artistry of What's Next; Days of Song on Spot of Scorched Earth; Seeds of Hope in the Rain & the Dark; The Church is the Most Corrupt Institution on Earth; The Seamless Life; A Good Calling; Inisheer Island
A Time To Heal (Shalom); Red Skies; Story of God in a Sanitation Truck; The Artistry of What's Next; Days of Song on Spot of Scorched Earth; Seeds of Hope in the Rain & the Dark; The Church is the Most Corrupt Institution on Earth; The Seamless Life; A Good Calling; Inisheer Island
With presence, peace, and many blessings,
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