Sully Notes 14 | You Can Change: God's Transforming Power for Our Sinful Behavior and Negative Emotions Part 3 of 3

Sully Notes 14: Books in 25 minutes or less

Sully Notes are more than a book review. They are meant to provide you with direct quotes from some books I've read in the last year, so you can get a taste of the overall theme of the book and then begin to chew on what your life might look like if you applied what you read. 

Here is the link to the previous Sully Notes in this series:

• Sully Notes 14 | You Can Change Part 1 of 3 
• Sully Notes 14 | You Can Change Part 2 of 3

You Can Change | Sully Notes 14: Part 3 of 3

Chapter Seven | What Stops You from Changing?

" ... the number-one reason why people don't change is pride, closely followed by hating the consequences of sin but actually still loving the sin itself." – pg.117

"Have you ever been frustrated or angry at your lack of change? Many people have said to me at some point, 'I can't believe I've done it again,' or 'I'm so cross with myself for doing this.' I've thought this many times myself. But listen to Ed Welch: 'Perhaps the person is mad at himself for repeating the same sin over and over again. This is actually a veiled form of pride that assumes he is capable of doing good in his own power. He is minimizing his spiritual inability apart from God's grace.' Jerry Bridges claims, 'God wants us to walk in obedience – not victory.' Our problem, he explains, 'is that our attitude toward sin is more self-centered than God-centered. We are more concerned about our own 'victory' over sin than we are about the fact that our sins grieve the heart of God.' Pride isn't just a sin; it's part of the definition of sin. Pride puts us in the place of God. We turn from our chief end of glorifying God and make our chief end glorifying ourselves. And we even do this with sanctification. We make sanctification our achievement and glory. ... This is why humility is a paradigm of repentance. To humble ourselves before God is to repent of our god complex. This is why walking humbly before our God is what God requires (Micah 6:8). '(Scripture) says: 'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' ... Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you' (James 4:6, 10; also I Peter 5:5). Humility is the secret to receiving grace. As Jack Miller says, 'Grace flows downhill.' People used to talk about the higher life of sanctification, but what we really need is the lower life. 'We grow up into Christ by growing down into lowliness.' If we truly want the grace of holiness, we must get lower, humbling ourselves and leaving the lifting up to God." – pgs. 117-118

"If you're frustrated at your inability to change, then your first step is to give up – to give up on yourself. Repent of your self-reliance and self-confidence. Your second step is to rejoice in God's grace – his grace to forgive and his grace to transform." – pg. 118 

"The first sin began with doubting God's word and desiring created things more than the Creator. As we've seen, these are the characteristics of all subsequent sin. Another feature of that first sin is a common characteristic of subsequent sin: blame, excuses. Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent (Genesis 3:11-13). And today we still try to pass the blame for our sin. We refuse to take responsibility for what we've done. ... Jerry Bridges says we should use the language of disobedience to describe sin rather than defeat. 'When I say I am defeated by some sin, I am unconsciously slipping out from under my responsibility. I am saying something outside of me has defeated me. But when I say I am disobedient, that places the responsibility for my sin squarely on me. We may, in fact, be defeated, but the reason we are defeated is because we have chosen to disobey.' ... God isn't out to get us (see James 1:13-14). Nor does he put us in impossible situations in which we're bound to sin. It's our own evil desires that entice us. 'It's different for me,' we say. 'My circumstances are unique. Other people have choices, but my behavior's inevitable, so it's not really my fault.' We want to be special, even with our sin! But God says, 'The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience.' Nor is our behavior inevitable: 'And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure' (1 Corinthians 10:13, NLT)." – pgs. 119-120

"True repentance grieves over sin; it never minimizes it. When did you last tremble at God's Word? 'This is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word' (Isaiah 66:2). The humble tremble at God's Word. They don't minimize sin; they tremble before God. But pride makes us deaf to God's Word. We know it already, we suppose, so we don't come to it hungry. We don't engage it as needy sinners." – pg. 121 

"One of the main ways in which pride wrecks the process of change occurs when we hide our sin from others. 'Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy' (Proverbs 28:13). We want our good reputation. So we hide, we pretend, we don't seek help. Such a stance meshes with proud self-reliance. We want to avoid exposure, so we tell ourselves we can manage on our own. But here's what's really happening: we love our reputation more than we hate our sin. We'd like to stop sinning, but not if that costs us people's approval. And that means true repentance isn't taking place. 'It's one thing to make a resolution; it is something completely different to repent, diligently seek counsel, and, in concert with others, develop a plan that is concrete and Christ-centered." – pg. 123

"Ongoing guilt makes your opinion the one that matters most; shame makes people's opinions what matter most. Repentance makes God central and accepts his declaration that you're righteous in Christ." – pg. 124

"Sin is like mold: it grows best in the dark. Expose it to the light, and it starts to dry up. 'Everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God' (John 3:20-21)." – pg. 124 

"I want to be known for my holiness. But this desire impedes my actually becoming holy. My pride makes holiness my boast, and that cuts me off from my only hope – the grace of God (James 4:6). ... The truth I need to keep telling myself is that reputation is a small price to pay for the joy of knowing more of God and reflecting his glory." – pg. 125

" ... we often want to change the consequences of sin, but not the sin itself. The desire to change the guilt, the fear, or the damaged relationships can be a strong motive for seeking help. But in our heart of hearts we still desire the sin itself." – pg. 125 

"The New Testament language of repentance is very violent. It includes amputating, murdering, starving, and fighting (see Matthew 5:29-30; Colossians 3:5; Romans 13:14; Ephesians 6:13-17; 1 Timothy 6:12). We need to be violent with sin. If we hold back, it's almost certainly because we don't want to be violent toward something we still love. We need to hate sin as sin and desire God for his own sake. Hear John Owen again: Look on him whom you have pierced, and let it trouble you. Say to your soul, 'What have I done? What love, what mercy, what blood, what grace have I despised and trampled on! Is this how I pay back the Father for his love? Is this how I thank the Son for his blood? Is this how I respond to the Holy Spirit for his grace? Have I defiled the heart that Christ died to wash, and the Holy Spirit has chosen to dwell in? How can I keep myself out of the dust? What can I say to the dear Lord Jesus? How shall I hold up my head with any boldness before him? Do I count fellowship with him of so little value that, for this vile lust's sake, I have hardly left him any room in my heart? How shall I escape if I neglect so great a salvation?' What shall I say to the Lord? His love, mercy, grace, goodness, peace, joy, consolation – I have despised all of them! I have considered them as nothing, that I might provoke him to his face? Is this how I thank the Son for his blood? Is this how I respond to the Holy Spirit for his grace? Have I defiled the heart that Christ died to wash, and the Holy Spirit has chosen to dwell in?Was my soul washed that there might be room for new defilements? Is this how I thank the Son for his blood? Is this how I respond to the Holy Spirit for his grace? Have I defiled the heart that Christ died to wash, and the Holy Spirit has chosen to dwell in?Shall I seek to disappoint the purpose of the death of Christ? Shall I grieve the Holy Spirit, who sealed me unto the day of redemption? Allow your conscience to consider these things every day." – pgs. 126-127 

"At the cross we see the full extent of our sin: when we get the chance, we kill our Creator. ... (But) When we got to the cross, we see our God dying for us. If you let any other god down, it will beat you up. If you live for people's approval or your career or possessions or control or anything else and you don't make it or you mess up, then you'll be left feeling afraid, downcast, or bitter. But when you let Christ down, he still loves you. He doesn't beat you up; he died for you." – pgs. 127-128 

"John Flavel identified six arguments Satan uses in tempting us, together with model responses:

1. The pleasure of sin

Temptation | Look at my smiling face, and listen to my charming voice. Here is pleasure to be enjoyed. Who can stay away from such delights?

The believer | The pleasures of sin are real, but so are the pangs of conscience and the flames of hell. The pleasures of sin are real, but pleasing God is much sweeter. 

2. The secrecy of sin

 Temptation | This sin will never disgrace you in public because no one will ever find out.

The believer | Can you find somewhere without the presence of God for me to sin?

3. The profit of sin

Temptation | If you just stretch your conscience a little, you'll gain so much. This is your opportunity.

The believer | What do I benefit if I gain the whole world but lose my own soul? I won't risk my soul for all the good in this world.

4. The smallness of sin

Temptation | It's only a little thing, a small matter, a trifle. Who else would worry about such a trivial thing?

The believer | Is the majesty of heaven a small matter too? If I commit this sin, I will offend and wrong a great God. Is there any little hell to torment sinners? Great wrath awaits those the world thinks are little sinners. The less the sin, the less the reason to commit it! Why should I be unfaithful toward God for such a trifle?

5. The grace of God

Temptation | God will pass over this as a weakness. He won't make a big deal of it.

The believer | Where do I find a promise of mercy to presumptuous sinners? How can I abuse such a good God? Shall I take God's glorious mercy and make it a reason to sin? Shall I wrong him because he's good?

6. The example of others

Temptation | Better people than you have sinned in this way. And plenty of people have been restored after committing this sin.

The believer | God didn't record the examples of good people sinning for me to copy, but to warn me. Am I willing to feel what they felt for sin? I dare not follow their example in case God plunges me into the deeps of horror into which he cast them." – pgs. 129-130

Chapter Eight | What Strategies Will Reinforce Your Faith and Repentance?

"'What you see in your spiritual life today is the direct result of what you've put in the soil of your life in days past ... The difference between the person who grows in holiness and the one who doesn't is not a matter of personality, upbringing, or gifting; the difference is what each has planted into the soil of his or her heart and soul. So holiness isn't a mysterious spiritual state that only an elite few can reach. It's more than an emotion, or a resolution, or an event. Holiness is a harvest.' ... Faith and repentance are the only true gospel disciplines. ... Not sowing to the sinful nature is all about reinforcing repentance. Sowing to the Spirit is about reinforcing faith." – pgs. 133-134

 "Sometimes sinful desires feel strong. But if there's no stimulation for those desires, there's time for the truth to prevail in our hearts. We're particularly vulnerable to temptation when we're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (giving the mnemnoic HALT). In these situations we need to take special care. You may need to ensure you have enough sleep or avoid being alone. ... Don't ask, 'How far can I go toward sin?' Ask instead, 'How far can I run from sin?' 'No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry (1 Corinthians 10:13-14)." – pg. 135

"Jesus compares fighting sin to amputation (Matthew 5:29-30)! We're likely to feel loss, even grief, when we think about what we must do to starve our sinful desires. They can seem like old friends whom we've loved for many years, and nobody likes killing off their best friends! One man said to me, as we discussed what he needed to do, 'I feel like I'll be losing a bit of my heart.' I was about to qualify his statement when I realized it's exactly like losing a bit of our heart! There's a bit of my heart that is attached to my sinful desires, and I need some heart surgery to remove it. That's why legalism doesn't work. In a famous sermon entitled, 'The Expulsive Power of a New Affection,' Thomas Chalmers argued that we can't simply tell ourselves to stop sinning. We need to direct the desires that sin falsely satisfies toward that which truly satisfies and liberates – God himself. A renewed affection for God is the only thing that will expel sinful desires. ... Sowing to the Spirit is about cultivating a new affection for God with its expulsive power. The best way to avoid weeds is to sow other plants in their place. It's the same in the spiritual life. The best way to keep down our sinful desires is to sow to the Spirit." – pgs. 138-139    

These seven means of grace are ways in which God is gracious to us and by which he strengthens his work of grace in our hearts. They are the means God uses to feed our faith in him. This is what sowing to the Spirit looks like in practice.

1. The Bible | James describes the Bible as a mirror in which we see ourselves as we really are (James 1:22-25). We should read the Bible not primarily so that we might expound it, but that it might expound us. ... We see the light of the glory of Christ in the gospel word (2 Corinthians 4:4-6). In Exodus 33:18 Moses asks to see God's glory. God responds by revealing his glory in a proclamation of his name: 'The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin' (Exodus 34:6-7). ... In the Word of God you will find medicine for the soul. But prevention is better than cure. The Bible offers the healthy diet of truth that can prevent problems from arising. 'I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you' (Psalm 119:11). Chris Wright comments, 'The more we instill the Bible into our heart, mind, soul and bloodstream, the harder we will find it to sin comfortably. The Bible enlivens our conscience and drives us back to God in repentance and a longing to live as it pleases him.' The Bible, by revealing the glory of Christ, reinforces our new Spirit-driven desires.

2. Prayer | When we realize that God is the great change agent in our lives, prayer will inevitably move up the priority list. For some this will require 'planned neglect' – deciding to neglect other activities. J.C. Ryle says: 'Praying and sinning will never live together in the same heart. Prayer will consume sin, or sin will choke prayer ... ' ... A child will play happily in her own little world. But as soon as she senses danger, she'll look around for a parent. This is how it should be for the child of God. As soon as we sense danger, we should look up to our heavenly Father for help. 

3. Church | One of the reasons God has put us in Christian communities is to help us change. The church is to be a community of change. ... here are some ways in which the church is a means of grace:

• We remind one another of the truth. 

• We are taught the Bible by people whom God has gifted for this purpose. 

• We pray together for God's help. 

• We model Christian change and holiness for one another. 

• We see God at work in the lives of others. 

• We remind one another of God's greatness and goodness as we worship him together. 

• We are given opportunities for service. 

• We provide accountability for one another.

4. Worship | Worship isn't just an affirmation that God is good. It's an affirmation that God is better. In worship we don't just call on one another to worship God. We also call one another away from the worship of other gods. ... One special means of grace is Communion or the Lord's Supper. The bread and wine remind us that Christ gave his life to make us holy, to break the power of sin, to give us a new identity, and to make us family. They remind us that we belong to God because we were bought with the price of Christ's blood. The Book of Common Prayer summons us to 'feed on him in your heart by faith with thanksgiving.' The Lord's Supper is a fresh invitation to 'taste and see that the LORD is good!' (Psalm 34:8). We discover again the promise of Jesus: 'I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst' (John 6:35). We renew communion with Jesus by faith.

5. Service | Serving God and other people can help redirect us outward, taking our attention away from ourselves. ... Paul's advice to a thief is not just to stop stealing, but to do 'something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need' (Ephesians 4:28, NIV). He wants people to stop thinking about their wants and start thinking about other people's needs. All sorts of things can happen when we start serving others. We learn from them. We see God at work in their lives. We find joy in serving God. We see prayer being answered. We face situations we can't cope with and discover God's strength. We discover the excitement of seeing God glorified in people's lives. 'If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail' (Isaiah 58:10-11). ... God made us to love him and love others. We become the people we were meant to be by serving others. When we 'pour ourselves out,' we find ourselves filled up. If we 'satisfy the desire of the afflicted,' God will 'satisfy our desires in scorched places.'

6. Suffering | Even suffering is a means of grace in the hands of God. In Judges 3:1-2 God leaves other nations in the promised land 'to teach war' to his people. As each generation confronted hostile armies, it was faced with the need to trust God for itself. Adversity tests, strengthens, and personalizes faith. Sinful desires can lurk in our hearts unnoticed because those desires are neither threatened nor thwarted. But suffering stirs the calm waters of latent sinful desires. It reveals the true state of our hearts. It's God's diagnostic tool, preparing the way for the medicine of gospel truth. Deuteronomy 8:2 says, 'You shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart.' Horatius Bonar comments: 'The trial did not create the evil: it merely brought out what was there already, unnoticed and unfelt, like a torpid adder. Then the heart's deep fountains were broken up, and streams of pollution came rushing out, black as Hell. ...  Even so it is with the saints still. God chastens them that He may draw forth the evil that is lying concealed and unsuspected within. ... When calamity breaks over them like a tempest, then the hidden evils of their heart awakens.' So suffering always presents us with a choice. We can get frustrated, angry, bitter, or despondent as our desire for control, success, love, or health gets threatened. Or we can take hold of God in a new way, finding our joy in him and comfort in his promises.

7. Hope | We need to dream of the new creation. We need to remind one another of the 'eternal ... glory' that awaits us and that far outweighs our 'light and momentary affliction' (2 Corinthians 4:17-18; Romans 8:17-18). It means recalling that we're pilgrims in this world, passing through on the way to 'a better country' (Hebrews 11:13-16; 1 Peter 1:1; 2:11). ... Meditation on the future life is closely linked with the ascension of Christ. By faith we're united with the ascended and glorified Christ. So we fix our eyes on his heavenly glory. 'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God' (Colossians 3:1, NIV). It's with eyes fixed on heavenly things that we 'put to death...what is earthly in (us)' (Colossians 3:5) Thinking on Christ's return loosens the hold that the world has on us and inspires us to change (2 Peter 3:10-14; 1 John 3:2-3).

Chapter Nine | How Can We Support One Another in Changing?

"God is in the business of change, and he's placed us in a community of change. The church is one of God's means of grace to reinforce our faith and repentance, but it's also a channel for the other means of grace. ... change in the Bible is never a solo project. Change is a community project. Paul talks about the church as a community of change in Ephesians 4. He begins by urging us to 'walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.' Through the death of Jesus we have become a home for God (2:22) and a showcase for his wisdom (3:10). Your local church is that home and that showcase in your area." – pgs. 151-152

"When Paul talks about becoming mature, he's talking about the body of Christ as a whole (4:12-13). It's the Christian community together that displays God's wisdom. We make God known not just as individuals, but through our life together and our love for one another (John 13:34-35; 17:20-23). That's why Paul urges us to be a united community (Ephesians 4:2-6). Our aim is to 'grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ' (vs. 15). ... Paul says the church is a body with Christ as its head. Our job is to change the body so that it matches the head. And we can't be the body of Christ on our own. We can't be mature on our own. Change is a community project. This means sin is always a community concern. My sin impedes the growth of the community as a whole. It stops us from growing together as the body of Christ. It has an impact on all of us. Even our private, secret sins affect the community. No one knew Achan had kept the robe, silver, and gold from the defeat of Jericho, but his sin led to defeat for God's people (Joshua 7). My sin stops me from playing the role God intends for me in the way God intends and this means that the church doesn't grow and reflect its head as God intends." – pgs. 152-153

"The Christian community is the best context for change because it's the context God has given. ... We grasp the love of Christ 'with all the saints' (Ephesians 3:18). Christ gives gifts to the church so we can grow together (4:7-13). What does maturity look like? It looks like Jesus (4:13, 15). One of the great things about the Christian community is that it gives us models of Christlike behavior. Of course, no one is perfectly like Jesus, but other Christians help us see what it means to walk with God. It's not just godliness we model for one another, but also growth and grace. We model growth as people see us struggling with sin and turning in faith to God." – pg. 153 

"Every Sunday in our church we give people the opportunity to talk about what God has been doing in their lives during the past week – answers to prayer, comfort from God's Word, opportunities for evangelism, help in temptation. In so doing, we reinforce our belief in a God who is alive and active among us. ... We all have a part to play in building a home for God (Ephesians 4:16). We need one another in order to be a healthy, growing church. This means that everyone else needs you, and you need everyone else. You need to help others change. And you need to let others help you change. Together we extol Christ to one another, and we each bring distinct harmonies to the song. ... in the Christian community there is a collective persistence that's stronger than any individual can manage. When I grow weary of speaking truth to a particular situation, someone else will take up the baton. We're like a choir singing the praises of Jesus. No one can sustain the song continually on his or her own, but together we can." – pgs. 153-154

 "Paul particularly highlights the role of those who proclaim, explain, and apply God's Word (Ephesians 4:11). That's because the Bible is the source of the truth about God, which counters the lies behind our sin. But notice that these leaders don't do all the work of God in the church. Their role is to equip God's people for works of service (4:11-12). It's all God's people who together build up the body of Christ. We work with one another and for one another, so that together we can be mature and Christlike." – pg. 154

"Paul says that Christ 'makes the whole body fit together perfectly' (4:16, NLT). Your church is not a collection of random people. Christ has specially selected each one to create a perfect fit. You may have chosen other people for one reason or another. But God placed these people in your life to help you change. As my friend Matt said when we were talking about this passage, 'I need to give everyone in our church a new merit in my life.' Paul isn't talking about an idealized church with idealized people. He's writing to a real church with real people. He's talking about your church. You can't say, 'That's fine in theory, but my church is never going to be like that.' God has given these people to you so they can care for you and so you can care for them." – pg. 154

"Ephesians 4:31 says, 'Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.' These behaviors all have two things in common. First, they all involve other people. Second, they're all symptoms of thwarted and threatened sinful desires. Often we can't spot sinful desires. But when they're threatened or thwarted by other people, we respond with bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, and malice. One of the great things about living as part of a community is that in community people walk all over your idols. People press your buttons. That's when we respond with bitterness, rage, and so on. And that gives us opportunities to spot our idolatrous desires. God is using the different people, the contrasting personalities, in your church to change your heart. He's using the difficult people, the annoying people, the sinful people. He's placed you together so you can rub off each other's rough edges. It's as if God has put us, like rocks, into a bag and is shaking us about so that we collide with one another. Sometimes sparks fly, but gradually we become beautiful, smooth gemstones. Remember the next time someone is rubbing you the wrong way that God is smoothing you down! God has given you that person in his love as a gift to make you holy. Sinclair Ferguson comments, 'The church is a community in which we receive spiritual help, but also one in which deep-seated problems will come to the surface and will require treatment. ... We often discover things about our own hearts which we never anticipated.'" – pgs. 154-155 

"How do we grow more like Christ? We become mature 'in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God' (4:13, NIV). Immaturity involves being 'tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching,' susceptible to 'lies so clever they sound like the truth' (4:14, NLT). The world, the flesh, and the devil whisper lies that sound plausible. Maturity is being able to say, 'No, that's not the truth about God. I'm not going to think or behave that way.' So we grow toward maturity by 'speaking the truth in love' (4:15). We build one another up through the words we say. We need to be intentional with our words: 'Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear' (4:29). We need to be communities in which we encourage, challenge, console, rebuke, counsel, exhort, and comfort one another with the truth. We need to be communities in which everyone is speaking truth to everyone.' – pgs. 155-156 

"In verses 17-24 Paul reminds us why 'speaking the truth in love' is central to change. He reminds us, first, in verses 17-19 that the underlying causes of sinful behavior and negative emotions are futile thinking, darkened understanding, ignorant minds, hardened hearts, indulged desires, and continual lust. In other words, we think or believe lies instead of trusting God's Word, and we desire or worship idols instead of worshiping God. ... We're to stop perpetrating lies that lead to sinful desires. (But) that's not what we often do. People bring their deceitful desires to us, and we stroke them. They say, 'My boss made me mad today.' And instead of asking whether their anger reflects thwarted or threatened sinful desires, we say, 'He sounds terrible. I'd have done the same.' People bring their moans to us, and we join in. People tell us what they covet, and we extol its worth with them, in effect saying, 'Yes, this is an idol worth worshiping.' Instead, the truth we're to speak to one another is 'the truth in Jesus.' We're to remind one another of the greatness and goodness of God revealed in Jesus. Where once we were dominated by the desires of the sinful nature, now we are new creations with new desires. Where once we were under Satan's control, now we are led by the Spirit. And where once we heard only the voice of the world, now we have the voice of the Christian community." – pgs. 156-157

"We need to be sharing our lives together. Every day the world, the flesh, and the devil perpetuate deceitful desires. We need a daily dose of truth. 'Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called 'today,' that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin' (Hebrews 3:12-13). We're to encourage one another daily. Every day our hearts teeter on the brink of becoming sinful, unbelieving, hardened, and deceived. Every day we need people who will speak truth to us. ... We don't want substitute saviors – people who solve our problems or give us reassurance when we should be looking to Christ. God has given us the Christian community not as a substitute for Christ but as a pointer to Christ. ... we don't just communicate truth by our words. We should also embody truth in our lives. 'No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us' (1 John 4:12). We make the invisible God visible to one another in our actions. We're to forgive one another 'as God in Christ forgave you' (Ephesians 4:32). We're to love one another 'as Christ loved us' (5:2)." – pgs. 157-158 

"One way we speak the truth into people's lives is by narrating how the truth has affected our own lives. This personalizes the truth and helps people see how it applies today. It's also a good way of speaking truth if we lack the confidence or the opening to do so in more direct ways." – pgs. 158-159 

"The Christian community is a community of confession, accountability, encouragement, and rebuke (see Matthew 18:15-17; Galatians 6:1-2). ... We're to rebuke and confront one another (Romans 15:14; Colossians 1:28; 3;16; 1 Thessalonians 5:14; 2 Timothy 4:2; Titus 2:15). It's not the only way we speak truth to one another, but it's an important way. It's also a neglected way. This may reflect a personal reluctance to put ourselves in unpleasant situations as well as a wider cultural disdain for direct interventions. Paul, however, says to the Ephesian elders, 'Remember that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears' (Acts 20:31). He reminds them so they will continue to do the same. Proverbs reminds us that this is often the genuinely loving thing to do: 'A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin. ... Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. ... Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. ... Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another' (Proverbs 26:28; 27:5-6, 9, 17). Part of our problem is that we don't rebuke one another day by day. So when we do, it creates or exacerbates a sense of crisis. Rebuke becomes confrontation. That may be needed in some situations, but often it can be avoided if rebuke has become a normal part of the way we disciple one another. I need people who regularly ask me about my walk with God, readily challenge my behavior, and know about my temptations. I need my friend Samuel, who often asks, 'What's the question you don't want me to ask you?'" – pgs. 159-160

"We can become very adept at hiding sins, but hiding them feeds them. You feel bad about yourself, so you eat compulsively. You eat compulsively, so you feel bad about yourself. You feel unable to cope with life, so you become a hero in computer games. But your addiction makes the real world seem even harder. The fear of exposure means you withdraw from the Christian community or learn to pretend. But withdrawal and pretense cut you off from the help of the community. One thing we've learned in our church is that change takes place only when sins come out into the open. It's difficult, but confession to another Christian will be a step forward. You don't need to tell everyone, but do tell someone! What should you do if others confess their sin to you? Speak the truth in love. Don't tell them their sin is understandable or insignificant. That offers no comfort because it's a lie. But we can speak words of comfort because we can speak words of grace. Call them to repent of their sin and to accept by faith the forgiveness that God offers. 'You are guilty, but Christ has borne your guilt. You deserve God's judgment, but Christ has borne your judgment.' This is true comfort. Embody that forgiveness in your ongoing acceptance and love. But accept people with God's agenda for change. Explore, if you can, the lies and desires that lead to their sinful behavior. Together you may be able to discern the truth they need to turn to and the idolatrous desires they need to turn from. Be proactive about offering accountability. That means asking the right question! Ask them how they're getting on; ask them whether they've sinned again. Be specific – ask when, where, why, how often. Above all, point them to the grace and glory of Christ." – pgs. 160-161

"We can be communities of repentance only if we're communities of grace. And this means being honest, open, and transparent about our struggles. We see one another as we really are and accept on another just as Christ accepted us. We must model grace in our welcome of sinners, just as Jesus did. It means I don't pose as a good person. Instead I portray myself as I truly am – a sinner who constantly receives grace from Christ. It means we rejoice to be a messy community of broken people. ... Example: ' ... Life in our congregation is messy. People have a wide variety of problems and many of those problems are out on the table. Are things going well when one of your members has been hauled out of a pub in a drunken state? When people admit problems in their marriage? When people are struggling with depression? Actually I think the answer can be, 'Yes, things are going well.' A key verse for me in recent years has been the first beatitude, which I paraphrase as: 'Blessed are the broken people for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.' God's blessing is found among the broken people. I don't rejoice in people's problems, but I do rejoice to be part of a community of broken people. ... Mess reflects, I think, a culture of grace. We pretend because either we don't trust God's grace for ourselves or we don't trust others to show us grace. ... Response 1: " ... I've been reflecting on how fearful I am of the consequences of people in my church finding out the worst about each other. Will it lead to things falling to pieces? Will it cause pain, conflict, anger, division? Probably, I guess. But why do I fear that? Do I trust that the gospel word is robust and relevant? Do I believe that God will fulfill his promises to a church of broken people? ... Response 2: " ... I wonder if I'll ever read an advertisement for a church worker where the church is described as 'messy' and 'broken' rather than 'happy' and 'thriving.' 'Apprentices wanted to work in our needy church with messy relationships and broken people.' ... Response 3: " ... I hate respectable church, but this messy church is so hard. I'm constantly amazed how Jesus loves his church." – pgs. 161-163

"In John4, Jesus meets a Samaritan woman at a well at noon. 'Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun,' sang Noel Coward. You gather water in the cool of early morning. But she comes at midday to avoid the rest of the community because of the shame she feels. After she's met Jesus, however, she runs to the community she's been avoiding and says, 'Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did' (vs. 29). The good news for her was that Jesus told her everything she had ever done and still offered her living water! She no longer had to hide. And it's this testimony that draws the townspeople to Jesus. We can confess our sin to one another because there's no longer any need to hide. Grace sets us free." – pg. 163   

What the New Testament says we are to do (or not do) for one another:

• Be at peace with one another, forgiving, agreeing, humble, accepting, forbearing, living in harmony, and greeting one another with a kiss.
• Do not judge, lie, or grumble to one another.
• Show hospitality to one another.
• Confess our sins to one another.
• Be kind, concerned, devoted, serving, and doing good to one another.
• Instruct and teach one another.
• Admonish, exhort, and stir up one another.
• Comfort and encourage one another (Mark 9:50; John 13:34-35; Romans 12:10, 16; 14:13; 15:5, 7 14; 16:16; 1 Corinthians 12:15; 2 Corinthians 13:11-12; Galatians 5:13; Ephesians 4:2, 32; 5:19, 21; Colossians 3:9, 13, 16; 1 Thessalonians 4:18; 5:11, 15; Hebrews 3:13; 10:24-25; James 5:9, 16; 1 Peter 4:8-10; 5:5, 14). 

Is your church a community of grace?

• Are people open about their sin, or is there a culture of pretending?
• Is community life messy or sanitized?
• Are broken people attracted to your community?
• Is conflict out in the open, or is it suppressed?
• Are forgiveness and reconciliation actively pursued?
• Do you constantly return to the cross in your conversation, prayers, and praise?

Chapter Ten | Are You Ready for a Lifetime of Daily Change?

"... from a Christian perspective, freedom of choice is in one important sense a myth. Human beings are not free to choose: they're slaves to their sinful desires. ... We're controlled by whatever has captured our hearts, and 'those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires' (Romans 8:5a, NIV). But Jesus sets us free. He does this by giving us another desire – the desire to serve and glorify God. We still do what we want, but Jesus gives us a new desire, so now we want to serve God. He does this by putting his Spirit in our hearts: 'but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit' (Romans 8:5b). So now Christians can choose. The old desires still linger. But the Spirit has placed a new desire in our hearts. Each day we're faced with a choice between these two desires – the deceitful desire for sin and the Spirit-inspired desire for God. ... The Bible describes this struggle between our old sinful desires and our new Spirit-inspired desires as a war. And the battleground is your heart (see 1 Peter 2:11; Galatians 5:17, NIV). ... No wonder we experience life as a battle! So Paul adds, 'Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up' (Galatians 6:9). The question we each need to ask ourselves is: Am I ready for a lifetime of daily change?" – pgs. 167-168

"Sometimes people are dramatically changed, and one area of struggle disappears almost overnight. But this is rare. And even when it happens, plenty of other areas of struggle remain. Most of us find change a slow battle. Analysis can be quick, but change is slow. We musn't confuse the two. Understanding the lies and desires behind my sin doesn't mean the problem is solved. Now I simply know where the fight is taking place. I know where to deploy my forces. I know the truth I need to embrace. But the struggle to believe that truth continues." – pg. 169

"The battle for holiness is made up of what Horatius Bonar calls 'daily littles.' It's not given to many of us to make life-and-death choices for our Savior. ... It's too easy to imagine ourselves as strong Christians who would stand firm in the face persecution, while every day we let sinful desires control us. ... Bonar says, 'The Christian life is a great thing, one of the greatest things on earth. Made up of daily littles, it is yet in itself not a little thing, but in so far as it is truly lived ... is noble throughout – a part of that great whole, in which and by which is to be made known to the principalities and powers in heavenly places the manifold wisdom of God (Ephesians 3:10)." – pg. 169

"John Flavel says: 'Keeping the heart is a constant work. Keeping the heart is a work that is never done until life is over. There is no time or condition in the life of a Christian which can allow a let-up of this work. ... A few minutes' break from the task of watching their hearts cost David and Peter many a sad day and night. It is the most important business of a Christian's life. ... 'My son or daughter, give me your heart,' is God's request.' ... sanctifying faith is a repeated act as, day by day, we affirm our new identity in Christ and find greater delight in God than in sin. Sanctification may involve some crisis experiences in which we, as it were, make leaps forward, but it remains a lifelong process. Sanctifying is hard, disciplined work. 'Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord' (Hebrews 12:14, NIV). It involves the effort, with the help of the Spirit, of affirming the greatness and goodness of God and his gracious work for us. ... Passive faith and legalistic works are not the only options! The biblical option is the fight of faith – an active battle to exercise faith in reliance upon the Holy Spirit. It's about faith driving a thousand acts of the will, making daily choice to see past the lies of sin." – pgs. 170-171 

"I can change because 'I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me' (Galatians 2:20). Christ has broken the hold of sin over my life. It's not inevitable that I sin. The old sinful nature has been replaced by a new nature. God has given me his Spirit with new desires to shape my behavior. Sin no longer defines me. Change is certain because of Christ's work for me and the Spirit's work in me. ... You may have been committing the same sin over and over again for many years. Change will not be easy. Sin is habit-forming – not just habits of behavior, but also habits of thinking. However, change is possible. For just as sin is habit-forming, so is holiness. ... Christians need never plateau." – pg. 172 

"Often growth in grace means a growing awareness of our sin. We see the dirt in our hearts all the more as we move toward the light of God. ... We need to look both backward and forward. When we look back to what we were, we should feel encouraged by how we've changed. When we look forward to what we will be, we should feel the weight of continuing sin in our hearts. If we get the tension wrong between the 'already' and the 'not yet' change, we'll either have unrealistic expectations of perfection or give up in defeat. ... 

1) Keep returning to the cross to see your sin canceled and to draw near to God in full assurance of welcome.

2) Keep looking to God instead of to sin for satisfaction, focusing on the four liberating truths of God's greatness, glory, goodness, and grace.

3) Cut off, throw off, pull off, kill off everything that might strengthen or provoke sinful desires.

4) Bring sin into the light through regular accountability to another Christian.

If you resist doing these four things, and we often resist numbers 3 and 4, it's a sign that you still treasure sin in your heart: sin is still more important to you than God. Turn to God in repentance, reflect on sin's consequences, meditate on the all-surpassing glory of Christ, and beg God to give you a love for him that eclipses your love for sin." – pgs. 173-174

"Change may take a lifetime on earth, but it only takes a lifetime. The process of change will come to an end. ... Sometimes Christians flow away from God, but still we move downstream toward the ocean of his love. God never fails. 'I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ' (Philippians 1:6). ... change takes place as we see the glory of God in Christ Jesus. At present we see his glory by faith in his Word. 'But we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is (1 John 3:2). What perfects us is that full vision of God's glory. ... 'Everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure' (1 John 3:3)." – pgs. 173-174

 "I'm still a sinner, and I'll be a sinner until the day I die or Christ returns. But God is also gracious, and he'll be gracious until the day I die and for all eternity. Christ has died for my sins, and his death is effective until the day I die and for all eternity. I'm a sinner, but I'm a justified sinner. The Reformers had a Latin phrase to capture this truth: semper peccator, semper justus: 'always a sinner, always justified.' I still sin, but in Christ God declares me to be righteous here and now. ... If we think of ourselves only as failed sinners, then we may feel disqualified from Christian service and settle for a compromised life. You are a justified saint, equipped for battle, capable of adventurous, risky discipleship on the front line of God's kingdom. Sin is never the last word for the children of God. Grace is always the last word." – pgs. 176-177

Next Sully Notes post: The Hole in Our Holiness: Filling the Gap between Gospel Passion and the Pursuit of Godliness Part 1 of 3

– Sully

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