Monday, April 28, 2025

Eastertide | "Jesus, I Have My Doubts" with Thomas, Our Twin

 

The Incredulity of St. Thomas by Caravaggio, 1601-1602 A.D.

The Twin — that's what
all the other disciples called him,
and it suits Thomas ...
because in a way,
he's all of our twin.
+ Searching for Enough


Tyler Staton's Searching for Enough has been a faithful companion during Holy Week and into Eastertide's 50 days of joy the past couple years. Along with previous posts (see also "Personal & Powerful Enough," "A Good Way to Die" and "Jesus' Most Offensive Act"), I love how Staton helps us engage with Jesus' death and resurrection, including Thomas' response in St. John's Gospel. Here are some of Staton's reflections below as we begin this season of Eastertide.

Ready to Die:
And Ready to Live?

By late Sunday night, every living disciple has been greeted by a supernatural encounter with the resurrected Lord — except for Thomas. Mary Magdalene is frantically spilling out her story; the two followers from Emmaus are trying to catch their breath from a run in the dark so they can get theirs out; and the ten who witnessed His appearing are talking over each other, interrupting every couple of words, everyone wanting to deliver their version of witnessing a man walk through the wall of their locked room.

Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in His hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe." + John 20:24-25

To give some backstory on Thomas, John 11 records the story of Jesus' return to Bethany (before Jesus and the discples went to Ephraim). The last time Jesus was in Bethany, His life was threatened. He was promised a sure and brutal death if he dared to return. Naturally, all the disciples tried to talk Him out of going — all of them except for Thomas, who said, "Let us go, that we may die with Him" (John 11:16) Jesus wanted to go to Bethany, and Thomas was ready to go with Him, even though he expected it would cost them both their lives.
 
Thomas was ready to die
with Jesus.
He wasn't ready to live
without Him.
And when that fate,
the one Thomas wasn't ready for,
was suddenly thrust on him,
he learned a lesson we all pick up
somewhere along the way:
life is more disappointing
than hopeful,
so the safest way is to
never get your hopes up.

I've watched people pray with hearts full of faith for healing and then watch their loved ones die. I've listened to people recount debilitating abuse they faced as a child and ask, "How am I supposed to be healed now by the God who didn't rescue me then?" I've prayed and counseled people of faith who have been crippled by mental illness for long stretches, and I've mourned when a few of them took their own lives. I've watched people get the life they wanted and be so disillusioned by it that they fall apart, and I've also watched people miss out on the life they wanted and be so disillusioned by it that they fall apart.

There are endless varieties to the plot, but no one gets through a life of faith without coming face-to-face with Thomas's disappointment in the days following resurrection. For all of us, he is our twin.

Isolation and Disappointment

Maybe you've already asked yourself the obvious question: "So if Thomas was one of Jesus' disciples, why didn't he encounter the resurrected Jesus when Jesus suddenly appeared in the upper room?" That's what real, honest, existential doubt often does to us. And it can make the community of belief nearly intolerable. 

Often, the first symptom 
of doubt is isolation.
Like Thomas, we can deal
with a black-and-white world,
but we can't deal with a 
community of people
trying to talk to each other
into seeing in color.
In times of doubt,
the human instinct is 
to withdraw into isolation.

When Jesus was in His spiritually
darkest hour in Gethsemane,
He wanted His three best friends
right there with Him.
He didn't try to gut it out alone
or grin and bear it.
He invited His community
into His pain (Mark 14:33-34).

We tend to do the opposite.
When our souls are overwhelmed,
the human temptation is
self-isolation, to turn inward,
not outward.

There's a strange comfort we find in withdrawing from a believing community during times of unbelief or uncertainty. Doubt can create the feeling that "I'm on the outside, and these people can't understand or relate." This feeling is often the product of perception, not conversation. It usually comes from looking at a whole group of people and categorically making assumptions about them, not the repeated experience of voicing our doubts humbly, honestly, and vulnerably to individuals in that community.

Maybe the community surrounding us is actually making a lot of sense. Maybe we love and respect the people in it. Maybe we'd still like to laugh with them, make plans with them, or share meals with them, but we just can't stand to open up this subject with them because belief is a topic of pain or frustration or anger or just plain disinterest for us at the moment.

As understandable and human as that is, the funny thing about this brand of isolation is that we don't remain isolated for long. We still want the community belief used to give us — those people to share our experience and affirm us by understanding and agreement, so when some believing community (be it a local church, a group of friends, or something else) stops being the source of affirming agreement, we go looking for it elsewhere. In times of doubt, we want to find people who agree with our doubts and affirm our version of skepticism. 

But building community 
around our doubt always feels
comforting at first, 
but it's isolating in the end.
It quickly delivers a 
sense of honest, loving,
understanding camaraderie,
but relationships built on 
shared disagreement, 
a shared skepticism,
and disenchantment
can be paralyzing ... 

That's why I think Thomas
walking back into the upper room 
on Sunday night might be
the most courageous act
found anywhere in the Gospels
by someone not named Jesus.

We are much quicker to see the world through disappointment than hope because it's safer. Building our lives on disappointment won't make anything better, but it will protect us. It will cover us like fig leaves and keep the most vulnerable parts of us hidden. When we are mentored by our disappointment, we get uneasy around hope; we learn to resist it at all costs. Allowing disappointment to play a defining role in your life might guard you from pain, but it will also most definitely guard you from any greater hope that might bring life.

Lament Interlude: 
Jesus, I Have My Doubts

+ Jon Foreman, 2021 A.D.

Jesus, I'm sorry 'bout last night.
Jesus, we both know I tried.
Jesus, feels like the world's in pieces.
I'm sure You've got Your reasons,
But I have my doubts.
Jesus, I have my doubts

When everything that's right feels wrong,
And all of my belief feels gone,
And the darkness in my heart is so strong,
Can You reach me here in the silence?
Singing these broken songs,
Looking for the light for so long,
But the pain goes on and on and on,
Can You reach me here in the silence?

Jesus, what a week we've had?
Jesus, has the world gone mad?
Jesus, feels like the world's in pieces.
I'm sure You've got Your reasons,
But I have my doubts.
Jesus, I have my doubts.
(Chorus)

Are You there? Can You hear me?
Do You care? Are You near me?
'Cause I'm scared and I'm weary.
Are You there? Can You hear me?

Our Greatest Fear: 
Doubt or Belief?

I wonder if the Bible makes room for God to meet people in the midst of doubt more than some communities that are formed around the very same Bible.

Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some doubted. + Matthew 28:16-17

What does it tell us about
the heart of God that He
put the keys to the Kingdom
in the shaky hands of people
who were something 
less than certain?

That He looks the doubter
in the eye and says,
"Not at some future point when
you get every intellectual quibble
sorted and every question answered,
but right in the midst of your doubt,
I choose you. I trust you. I send you."

Jesus is comfortable with doubt.

But if some of Jesus' Church can be afraid of doubt, our post-Christian culture is at least equally afraid of belief. After all, doubt is so much more fashionable than belief. Doubt is thought inherently intelligent, thoughtful, and respectable, while belief is usually lumped in with categories like narrow-minded, gullible, and inconsiderate. Philosopher and professor Dallas Willard put it this way: We live in a culture that has, for centuries now, cultivated the idea that the skeptical person is always smarter than the one who believes.

It is worth considering the thought 
that belief is more inherent 
to human beings than doubt. 

We are all born believers. 
You came into this world 
with a readiness to believe,
a relentless kind of hope,
a free self-giving love,
and heart bent toward justice.

What biblical scholars call
the imago Dei ("image of God")
was alive in you at first.
Cynicism and skepticism,
to whatever extent we carry them,
were picked up somewhere
along the way in this world.

New York Times op-ed columnist David Brooks wrote an article a few years ago that got my attention. He was exploring a trend in the modern generation of young adults — that being cold and detached have become fashionable. Today, disenchantment is admired. We (I say "we" because I am a part of the young adult generation he describes) are always investigating but never committing, suspicious of commitment, and especially suspicious of anyone who dares to be committed. The premise of the article is a generation of people with educated opinions but fearful lives, unwilling to walk out on any limb of committed belief because they're fearful it will snap beneath them.

We are all fragile when we don't 
know what our purpose is,
when we haven't thrown ourselves 
with abandon into a social role,
when we haven't committed 
ourselves to certain people,
when we feel like a swimmer
in an ocean with no edge.

If you really want people to be tough,
make them idealistic for some cause,
make them tender for some person,
make them committed to some worldview
that puts today's temporary pain
in the context of a larger hope.

People are really tough only after
they have taken a leap of faith
for some truth or mission or love.
Once they've done that,
they can withstand a lot.

We live in an age when it's
considered sophisticated to
be disenchanted.
But people who are enchanted
are the real tough cookies.

There was a time in history when belief was so common that the courageous move — was to doubt. Today, cynicism, skepticism, disenchantment, and uncertainty are so common and doubt  has become so fashionable that  maybe the tables have turned. The most honest, most courageous, most reckless move is belief.

As a pastor, I get to stand in front of a room filled with people and talk about the biggest questions every last one of us faces but spend the vast majority of our lives distracted from really considering. The bravest person in the room is trying to figure out if I've got anything meaningful to offer at all or if I'm a complete quack who decided way too early in life on set conclusions to the questions that really matter, and now I'm stuck mumbling nonsense to a mostly bored audience.

The bravest person in any local church
is the person honestly trying to 
figure out if Jesus is worth real consideration,
because if He is, it will probably mean
questioning the foundation
their entire life is built on.

It means the conclusions that have always made them safe aren't safe anymore.

Encounter: 
Have You Tried Asking?

God saw the whole world spinning mad, but He also saw Thomas's world spinning mad. He climbed down, right into the place of Thomas's personal brand of pain and disappointment, his particular need, and said, "Here's a way to live again!" Anthony Bloom writes, "A relationship becomes personal and real the moment you begin to single out a person from the crowd."

That's exactly what Jesus did on resurrection morning in the garden when He went from a general explanation to a personal address: "Mary."

It's what happened when Jesus showed up on the shore and called out to Peter, "Throw your nets on the other side!"

And it's what Jesus did in an upstairs hideout in central Jerusalem when He held out His scarred wrists to Thomas, saying without words, "This is what you were waiting on, right? I haven't given up on you, Thomas. Don't give up on Me."

Met by God's living presence,
the words tumbled effortlessly
from Thomas's mouth:
"My Lord and my God!"

Lost in the translation is
the power of this declaration.
Scholars call it the highest praise
given to Jesus anywhere in the Gospels.
No one ever thought more of God
than Thomas did when God showed up
in the place of his disillusionment,
pain, disappointment, and doubt.

Frederick Buechner writes:

If men and women are to believe
in His resurrection in a way
that really matters,
they must somehow see Him
for themselves ...

Now as then, it is not His absence
from the empty tomb that 
convinces men (and women),
but the shadow at least of
His presence in their
empty lives.

Thomas wasn't convinced by
the evidence of an empty tomb.

But when he asked, he met
the presence of the living God.

Have you tried asking?

+ Tyler Staton
in Searching for Enough,
pgs. 156-206


+ Jon Foreman, 2024 A.D.

Yesterday's tomb, tomorrow's womb.
The dark is long but the dawn is soon.

The light that you seek
Is seeking you.

Let the dead seed go
And watch it grow brand new.

I'm a desert in bloom.

Bonus post:


Next post:


May God's Kingdom come, His will be done.
Que le Royaume de Dieu vienne,
que sa volonté soit faite.

愿神的国降临,愿神的旨意成就。
Nguyện xin Nước Chúa đến, ý Ngài được nên.
Jesús nuestra Rey, venga Tu reino!

🙏💗🍞🍷👑🌅🌇

With anticipation and joy,

Rev. Mike “Sully” Sullivan


Saturday, April 26, 2025

Tangible Kingdom Primer Week 7 | Become an Apprentice

 

The Tangible Kingdom Primer 

Apprenticeship:
moving beyond
knowledge-based discipleship
to action-oriented followership,
with the goal of living like Jesus lived;
comes through regular practice,
faith-oriented action, and
personal devotion to know
the ways of Christ

As Emmaus City Church continues during Spring 2025 with a focus on prayer, holiness, courage, and faith (i.e. good risk and trust), we're enjoying a map of a 2-month journey that helped shape us for our first decade as a congregation of missional communities (MCs) in Worcester, Massachusetts.

The Tangible Kingdom Primer: An Eight-Week Guide to Incarnational Community helped our first City Group (MC) lean into apprenticeship with Jesus together. And the memories, lessons, and formative experiences have continued to shape people among Emmaus City in fruitful ways to this day. You can read more here:

Apprenticeship in Jesus' Way

While one brief post can never replace what day-by-day meditations, practices, steps of faith, and reflections provide, this adapted excerpt from Week 6 (Tuesday, April 22 — Monday, April 28, 2025) of The TK Primer is provided as a review of content to come back to and to provide food for thought for when City Groups connect for our Sabbath gathering on the 5th day (Saturday, April 26 in this case).

Become an Apprentice 
of Jesus

Day 1Exploration

If you would have asked some of the first disciples what it was like being one of Jesus' students, they probably would have responded with,

"He always tested our faith
and our motives.

He always took us to places
we wouldn't have gone ourselves.

We became friends with people
we would have hated before.

Looking back,
it was the most wildly transforming process
I could have ever imagined.

I'll never be the same."

While it is good to learn about becoming a disciple, there is significantly more that can only be understood through practice. In order to re-engage the discipleship process, we need to look at another word that better captures the essence of discipleship today. That word is apprenticeship.

Apprenticeship is best understood in the context of learning a trade, especially one that requires developing a set of skills important to becoming a fine craftsman.

Key Exploration Consideration

Describe an apprenticeship environment that you have experienced.

Day 2Meditation

Much of what we call discipleship training involves learning concepts individually with little emphasis on the practical implementation of the knowledge. Not only has discipleship become passive, but it has also been tailored to fit the consumer lifestyle.

What we need is a new definition of discipleship. What if discipleship became more costly in terms of time, effort, relationships, or finances? 

What if discipleship
became a real apprenticeship
in community?


Key Meditation Question
& Consideration

As you consider the differences between passive discipleship and active apprenticeship, how would you describe your own Christian journey so far?

We need Gospel
to become a mature disciple
or "master apprentice"
of Jesus.

Apart from the Gospel,
our communities can end up self-focused
or based on any number of things
besides the Kingdom.
A social club of sorts.

One-to-one discipleship
can produce aspects of Christ-likeness
in us, but without a community
that is made up of all the
different parts of the 
Body of Christ
"rubbing up against" our areas of sin
and unbelief, we will never grow into
a fuller picture of Jesus.

It is when we 
live life in community out on mission,
displaying and declaring the Gospel
and making more apprentices of Jesus
that we truly grow.

Day 3Change

Discipleship is the holistic care
of a smaller group of people
who are consistently experiencing
Jesus' life and teaching together
in a healthy environment
where they are learning to submit
every area of life to
the Lordship of Jesus.

Take a look at these passages from the Bible and observe how Jesus made disciples. Ask these questions as you read:

What were they doing?
Where?
How often?
With whom?
How is this part of
Jesus making disciples?


Key Change Conversation

This is a good time to talk to God about your hopes (and His hopes) for your growth. Thank Him for His grace with your failures, but even more, thank Him for the hope He gives you for the future.

Write a prayer expressing your thoughts and feelings to God.

Day 4Action

Are your prayers monologues or dialogues?

Are you able to describe the story of your faith
in Christ to others?

Do you feel comfortable participating
in activities with sojourners?

Are you consistently involved in a 
Christian community?

Are you committed to spending time 
regularly with others in your community?

Do you regularly welcome others
into your home?

Do you have a hobby that you practice
regularly with others?

Do you give your money to bless others?

Are you able to control your temper
and your words?

Is sharing your life with others
a priority for you?

Are there people in your community
who are aware of your vices?

Do you have a wise mentor who 
guides you through tough decisions?

Are you in the habit of 
Scripture reading and reflection?

Do you prayerfully allow God
to guide your week?

Do you consider spending time
with your family as part of
God's mission?

This is a good time again to talk to God about your hopes (and His hopes) for your growth. Thank Him for His grace with your failures, but even more, thank Him for the hope He gives you for the future.

Spend time in prayer expressing your thoughts and feelings to God.

Day 5Community

If we are to take apprenticeship with Christ seriously, we need the input and guidance of our entire community along with people who are "masters" in various areas of faith, living out the gospel in community together on mission.

Group Discussion:

Reflecting on the Scriptures (see Day 3: Change above), discuss these different aspects of a healthy discipleship or "apprenticeship" environment.

Empowered by the Holy Spirit
The Holy Spirit's job is
to make us like Jesus
and to help us accomplish
the mission He sends us on.
Therefore, He is the primary discipler
and equipper of people.

Gospel-saturated
As the gospel seeps into
every crack and crevice of our lives,
we walk more and more
in submission to Jesus,
for our good and His glory.

Community-influenced
Much of our learning,
and growth, takes place in community
as we serve and experience
life together.
Without this accountability,
most people are likely to keep
significant areas of their lives
hidden and in sin.

Service-oriented
Jesus was consistently serving those
in great need.
He regularly exposed the disciples
to different kinds of people,
in different kinds of places,
with different kinds of needs.
Character qualities like
love, compassion, sacrifice, and
generosity are more likely
to be integrated into our lives
as we serve others.

Holistic
Our time, job, money, relationships,
body, etc. must all be shaped 
from a gospel perspective.

Frequent and long-term
Discipleship is not fast.
It takes a lot of time,
commitment, and sacrifice.
A discipleship community is
together frequently and 
cares for each other 
over the long-term.

Individually-tailored
Discipleship must include 
a personal focus as well;
knowing each person in a community
has different needs, problems,
passions and spiritual gifts.

What things are you already doing that help create good environments for the "apprenticeship" of others? 

What are the areas your community could work to grow in?

What are some unique assets (skills, abilities, networks, key relationships) that already exist within your community?

Day 6Calibration

You are both being discipled and discipling others all the time, that is what a life of apprenticeship in the Kingdom is like.

Think about the friends, family, and acquaintances you already have today. Many of these people are quite possibly sojourners God has brought into your life. Think about the most natural ways, as a group, you can begin to enter into their story and share God's story with them.

Think back through the Rhythms:

(1) 
Know the Story
Get more familiar with
the Bible as one big story 
God's story.
Get to know the stories
of the people in your community
and help each other see how
your stories intersect
and mirror God's story.

(2) 
Listen
Set aside regular times
to just listen to God.
Listen 'backward' through
time in God's Word.
You can actively listen 'forward'
to hear what God is saying to you today
through His Spirit and
through your community.

(3) 
Celebrate
Gather throughout the week
with your community to share stories
and celebrate all that God is
doing in and amongst you.
Invite others to these celebrations
as a way of displaying
God's extravagant blessings.

(4)
Bless
Intentionally bless others
through words, gifts, or actions.
God desires that all nations 
all people 
would be blessed through Jesus.
Seek God's direction
for who He would have you
tangibly bless each week.

(5) 
Eat
Regularly eat meals with others
as a reminder of our common need
for God and His faithfulness
to provide both physically and spiritually.
Try and eat one meal each week
with at least one sojourner
enjoying the meal with you.

(6) 
ReCreate
Take time each week 
to rest, play, create and restore
beauty in ways that display the Gospel,
resting in Jesus' completed work
on our behalf.
Cultivate this Gospel rhythm of rest
and create — ReCreate — in your life.

Ask God to begin to show you
how to intentionally integrate your life
into the rhythms of these sojourners.
This is not an individual effort.
You are part of a 
family of missionary servants.

Key Calibration Consideration

How can you begin to "share" your friends, family, and acquaintances with others in your community more intentionally?

How will you begin to show them the Gospel and invite them to "walk in the ways" of Jesus? (Remember, this is a group endeavor that takes time.)

Day 7ReCreate

Rest and consider:
We don't have to strive or stress
about our "apprenticeship."
Jesus calls us to trust His sovereignty
and the ability of His Spirit
to guide us and form us into His image.
Our discipleship is God's work.
We can rest in His perfect plan.

Read

As you look for examples to follow in your own apprenticeship of Christ, look at the examples of faith provided in the book of Hebrews.

Apprenticeship Songs


Next Post


Come, Lord, stir us up and call us back.
Kindle and seize us.
Be our fire and our sweetness.
Let us love. Let us run ...

Let us sing a new song,
Not with our lips but with our lives.

+ North African St. Augustine

May God's Kingdom come, His will be done.
Que le Royaume de Dieu vienne, 
que sa volonté soit faite.
愿神的国降临,愿神的旨意成就。
Nguyện xin Nước Chúa đến, ý Ngài được nên.
Jesús nuestra Rey, venga Tu reino! 
🙏💗🍞🍷👑🌅🌇

Rev. Mike "Sully" Sullivan